Sunday Confessional - Put Up or Shut Up!

Within a week of the closing ceremonies of the 1994 Winter Olympics I had the privledge to hear Olympian Gold Medalist Dan Jansen speak. Jansen said one thing that night that has both haunted and dogged me ever since. As Jansen described it, the race was won on the mornings that he didn't want to get out of bed to train and the days when he would double over vomiting from the strain he put on his body during the heat of summer - training for a winter event that seemed light years away. He attributed his ability to achieve his gold medal in the 1,000 meter race to "things that were easy to do but easier not to do".

Jansen's statement was simple. The truth is simple; it is our efforts to avoid it that complicate the situation. The consequence of speaking about your dream aloud is that someone might hear it. And if you are silly, bold or desperate enough to direct that spoken dream to someone in particular it is bound to be heard. Speak it repeatedly and you multiply the result; write a dang blog about it and you might just pass the PNR (point of no return) So now what? You either "Put Up or Shut Up" which calls into play a truck load of qualities you might not have planned on needing on such a large scale (like determination, character, integrity, knowledge, skill etc.,). A plethora of "things that are easy to do but easier not to do."

I find myself at a crossroads. There a people who know that I want to be a writer not many really probably less than 200. And, there are people who have read this blog as well as my Breadcrumbs blog, probably less than 25 at this point. Writing is work. Even if I have natural talent I have to develop it and that is work. I have a husband, a job, a dog, a Farmville habit (for those familiar with facebook) all which require time and then there is American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, reruns of the Rock of Love...the list can sprial right down into oblivion along with my dream. With the exception of the first three items (Husband, job and dog) which are reasons to be the best I can be - the rest are just activities I can use to not think about writing.

We are quick to allow eachother to "slide" when it comes to "things that are easy to do but easier not to do". We tell someone we are going to loose weight and the next time we see them (sporting an extra 5 lbs. instead of losing the 10 lbs. we declared would be gone) they don't say "hey you gain weight? thought you were supposed to lose 10 lbs." Of course they don't, that would just be poor manners. Actually of course they don't because during the interim they have made and broken a hundred similar promises to themselves, they understand.

So, confession - this is more difficult than I thought, it takes time and it is work. The choice is mine to make (and don't fool yourself, regardless of what it is you ALWAYS have a choice). Shall I just delete my blogger accounts and not mention this silly notion of writing to anyone again? Everyone will understand and will have the "good manners" to never mention it to me. But, a little piece of me will have died, a little spark that was starting to flicker will dim and a possibility will have been missed. Or shall I put the big girl panties on and get on with it?

Since our actions speak louder than words you will have to see if there are any new posts...meanwhile, what promises have you made to yourself or dreams have you spoken aloud? What things are easy to do but easier not to do for you? I encourage you to go for it...you won't be average if you do and you won't be alone!

The Turning Point or as Oprah Would say "My Ah-Ha Moment"

Thursday, November 19, 2009, started as most of my days that fall. The realization that my Boss, a wonderful mentor, would retire at the end of the year was a big change. I had created a comfortable little rut for myself and not only was my mentor leaving but my job had a newly acquired expiration date attached to it. The tanking economy had reached home, MY home and my change meter was on overload. So after another restless night I awoke to the familiar sensation of being overwhelmed. Remember the Flintstones? My husband was now married to Schleprock "wowzy wowzy woo woo". (Bless the Hub's heart - he is a saint!) Like every other morning, I forced myself out of bed, stumbled down the hall; followed the dog to the yard so she can perform her find-the-perfect-place to pee dance. Then take a shower and drag myself out to the car to face the day...little did I know things were "fixing to" change.
Instead of heading to the office I was attending a leadership workshop courtesy of said Boss/Mentor. Upon entering the conference room (where a chipper little Michael Buble tune was blaring) I was instructed by the guest speaker to choose a hat from a large pile on the board room table. This woman was just a little too perky for me and she was wearing a huge (like six inches in diameter huge) lime green and hot pink button that read "Enjoy Life: This is NOT a Dress Rehearsal!" - Determined to stay firmly planted in the throes of my despair, I was NOT amused. Sparky the speaker however, had other plans...the idea was to pick a hat that represents you and then explain why. There were top hats, hunting hats, and even a Carmen Miranda tutti fruity hat. (I thought "This is ridiculous I am in crisis and you want me to pick out a stinking hat?") Annoyed at this seemingly frivolous exercise, I rifled through the pile tossing aside hats advertising sports teams, tourist traps, businesses and favorite past times and then I found it...a simple cap with a plastic disc-like base glued to the crown. It was black like my mood and broken. Obviously something was meant to be attached to the top; this was MY hat, the perfect representation for my life - it just felt right.
As the hat explanations traveled around the table it was my turn. I launched into my explanation "As you can see this is a plain baseball cap in basic black. It does its job to keep the sun out and isn't very flashy but if you notice there is a plastic base on top where something is supposed to sit. Like this hat I am pretty basic, I get the job done and in my life there is something missing. Something that I am searching for; I am not sure what it is but when I find it I will know and whatever it is it's big and it's going to be great." (Okay, that felt weird but it was the truth and I didn't feel like making up some clever story so I ran with it.)
"Sparky" stressed that nothing happens by accident and as she passed by each of us she said to pick a card from her "inspiration deck" and read the message that was "meant for us". I thought it was a little flaky but hey I was desperate so why not? The message received to my left was "golden silence" for the attorney who found it challenging to pause for effect or response in conversations. To my right "timing" was the message for the compliance officer who had accepted a new position the evening before...(okay this is getting eerie - I had not turned my card over yet) I waited just a moment longer and read my card "Harmony is Yours" What? The message affirmed the baby steps I had been taking to regain some balance and perspective. The card also admonished "Remember your journey and how you became who you are today..." Then came the kicker...."Write a book or magazine article about your life." It was at that moment with a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes that I dared to accept and commit to the idea that I am a writer. Now just a few weeks after the workshop I pulled myself up by the bra straps,joined Toastmasters and started blogging.
....Oh, and do you know what was missing from the top of my base ball cap? A shiny mirrored disco ball! Look out world I am finding my sparkle too!