The Turning Point or as Oprah Would say "My Ah-Ha Moment"

Thursday, November 19, 2009, started as most of my days that fall. The realization that my Boss, a wonderful mentor, would retire at the end of the year was a big change. I had created a comfortable little rut for myself and not only was my mentor leaving but my job had a newly acquired expiration date attached to it. The tanking economy had reached home, MY home and my change meter was on overload. So after another restless night I awoke to the familiar sensation of being overwhelmed. Remember the Flintstones? My husband was now married to Schleprock "wowzy wowzy woo woo". (Bless the Hub's heart - he is a saint!) Like every other morning, I forced myself out of bed, stumbled down the hall; followed the dog to the yard so she can perform her find-the-perfect-place to pee dance. Then take a shower and drag myself out to the car to face the day...little did I know things were "fixing to" change.
Instead of heading to the office I was attending a leadership workshop courtesy of said Boss/Mentor. Upon entering the conference room (where a chipper little Michael Buble tune was blaring) I was instructed by the guest speaker to choose a hat from a large pile on the board room table. This woman was just a little too perky for me and she was wearing a huge (like six inches in diameter huge) lime green and hot pink button that read "Enjoy Life: This is NOT a Dress Rehearsal!" - Determined to stay firmly planted in the throes of my despair, I was NOT amused. Sparky the speaker however, had other plans...the idea was to pick a hat that represents you and then explain why. There were top hats, hunting hats, and even a Carmen Miranda tutti fruity hat. (I thought "This is ridiculous I am in crisis and you want me to pick out a stinking hat?") Annoyed at this seemingly frivolous exercise, I rifled through the pile tossing aside hats advertising sports teams, tourist traps, businesses and favorite past times and then I found it...a simple cap with a plastic disc-like base glued to the crown. It was black like my mood and broken. Obviously something was meant to be attached to the top; this was MY hat, the perfect representation for my life - it just felt right.
As the hat explanations traveled around the table it was my turn. I launched into my explanation "As you can see this is a plain baseball cap in basic black. It does its job to keep the sun out and isn't very flashy but if you notice there is a plastic base on top where something is supposed to sit. Like this hat I am pretty basic, I get the job done and in my life there is something missing. Something that I am searching for; I am not sure what it is but when I find it I will know and whatever it is it's big and it's going to be great." (Okay, that felt weird but it was the truth and I didn't feel like making up some clever story so I ran with it.)
"Sparky" stressed that nothing happens by accident and as she passed by each of us she said to pick a card from her "inspiration deck" and read the message that was "meant for us". I thought it was a little flaky but hey I was desperate so why not? The message received to my left was "golden silence" for the attorney who found it challenging to pause for effect or response in conversations. To my right "timing" was the message for the compliance officer who had accepted a new position the evening before...(okay this is getting eerie - I had not turned my card over yet) I waited just a moment longer and read my card "Harmony is Yours" What? The message affirmed the baby steps I had been taking to regain some balance and perspective. The card also admonished "Remember your journey and how you became who you are today..." Then came the kicker...."Write a book or magazine article about your life." It was at that moment with a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes that I dared to accept and commit to the idea that I am a writer. Now just a few weeks after the workshop I pulled myself up by the bra straps,joined Toastmasters and started blogging.
....Oh, and do you know what was missing from the top of my base ball cap? A shiny mirrored disco ball! Look out world I am finding my sparkle too!